White Like Me
(White Like Me) The New Me according to Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, Obama, CNN, MSNBC, and CBS:
- I used to think I was just a regular person, but I was born white. Which now, whether I like it or not, makes me a racist & responsible for slavery.
- I am a fiscal & moral conservative. Which by today’s standards, makes me a fascist because I plan & support myself.
- I went to school, worked through college, got a degree & have held a job. I am here not because I earned it but because I was advantaged.
- I am heterosexual, which according to gay folks, now makes me homophobic.
- I am non-union, which makes me a traitor to the working class & an ally of big business.
- I am not a Muslim, which now labels me as an infidel.
- I am older than 40 & retired, which makes me a useless old man who doesn’t understand Instagram.
- I think & I reason, therefore I doubt much that the main stream media tells me. Which must make me a reactionary.
Please help me come to terms with the new me, because I’m just not sure who I am anymore!
- I am proud of my heritage & our inclusive culture. Which makes me a xenophobe.
- I value my safety & that of my family. I appreciate the police and the legal system. Which makes me a right-wing extremist.
- I believe in hard work, fair play, & fair compensation according to each individual’s merits. Which today makes me an anti-socialist.
- I believe that our system guarantees of freedom of effort, not freedom of outcome or subsidies. Which must make me a borderline sociopath.
- I believe in the defense & protection of our country for & by all citizens. Which now makes me a militant.
- I am proud of our flag, what it stands for & the many who died to let it fly so I stand proudly during our National Anthem. Which takes me back to where I started – I must be a racist.
I would like to thank all my friends for sticking with me through these abrupt, new found changes in my life & my thinking. I just can’t imagine or understand what’s happened to me so quickly. Funny, it’s all just taken place fairly recently. And if all this nonsense wasn’t enough to deal with, I’m now not sure who or what I will find in a public toilet.